Amsterdam: Chapter 1, Part 3 (sorry about weird formatting, too lazy to fix it)

“It’s only 10:15,” said Eddie, before I could finish describing the architectural features of the tired restaurant. “There’s something going on, no question. We just gotta wait for the guys to show up.”

            That could mean hours. I couldn’t wait that long.

“I’m trying to meet up with my friends tonight, man.”

            “What, you mean girls?”

            “Yeah, my friends are girls,” I said, more snidely than I meant to sound. “They said they were gonna call me and I wanna meet up with them.”

            “What, you wanna bang one of them?”

            “What? No,” I said, not ready for that one. “We’re just hanging out. No one’s going to be banging anyone.”

            “That’s a shame,” said Eddie, lighting a cigarette, “’cause I’d totally like to fuck one of those girls.” I must have thrown him a distasteful glance because he followed that with, “they’re cute man. You got good taste in friends.”

            “Don’t you have a girlfriend?” I asked him accusatorily, wishing we could just change the subject and move on.

            “Between the three of them, which one would you fuck?” Apparently Eddie wasn’t keen on changing the subject just yet.

            “You mean…”

            “If you had to choose between Katie, Heather, and Jessica, who would you sleep with?” He took a drag of his cigarette, I took one of my vanilla milkshake. Silence. Six thousand light years away I could hear an old hermit crawl into an icy cave and moan to death.

“Jessica, no question.”

“Really,” Eddie said, interested but trying not to sound too interested. “Not Heather? She’s fire.”

“Heather’s my sister’s name. It’d be too weird. Jessica would be chill, you know, and I think she’s pretty, you know, good looking. Even the name is so appealing. Jessica. Just listen to it. Jessica. Jessica.” I grinned at Eddie, who was shaking his head at me solemnly.

“Who cares about names, man? That should not be a deciding factor.”

“Even if Heather’s name was Jessica and Jessica’s name was Napoleon, I’d still choose her.”

“Who?”

“Jessica.”

“Jessica-Heather or Jessica-Napoleon?”

“Jessica-Jessica. I’d choose her. Hypothetically, I mean, if I had to choose. I don’t want to fuck any of them.”

“Really, because it sounds like you really want Jessica.”